ABC's for a first generation college parent

ABCs for parenting a 1^st generation college student

By: Ethan Brisby

Goal: A fun way to connect with 1^st generation college parents

When I went to college I was a first generation college student. While my mother was happy for me and supportive, she could have used an advisor just as I did to help her new course. Its one thing to be the first in your family to attend college, it is a completely new experience to be the parent of a child who is embarking on a journey you yourself never stepped foot. 

This is a simple way to encourage parents of first generation college students to remain involved in their child's life even when remaining involved means you will be vulnerable to your ignorance. For there is nothing new under the sun, which means your child in due time will turn to you for advice and guidance for the things a classroom just can't teach.

By the grace of God we are in a generation where a college education is a viable option for anyone who is willing to take the challenge. This was not always the story. I hope you enjoy this entry as I write to the parents of first generation college students. 

A-Always encourage your son or daughter to chase their dreams even if it means leaving the nest

B- Be prepared to learn and evolve just as your child will during his/her transition

C- Call a parent who has experienced what you are going through

D- Dive right into a new hobby for yourself

E- Express interest in your child’s new goals

F- Forgive and forget any shortcoming, so you can be as supportive as possible

G- Go visit the campus during parent weekend

H- Have an open mind to who your child will be after spending time on a college campus

I-Imagine your goals.                                    

J- Joy is always better than stress. Embrace the possibilities

K- Keep your distance if that is what the child is asking for

L-Life goes on

M- Make the most of the opportunity

N- Note his or her progress

O- Own the experience

P- Pride yourself on being a first generation college parent

Q- Quiet time is still needed

R- Rest as time allows

S- Savor these moments. Soon your son daughter will be a full-fledge adult

T- Tell your son/daughter how proud of them you are

U- Use the experience to learn a new city

V- Visit as frequent as you want

W- Wait for graduation

X- N/A

Y- Yield on the side of caution  

Z- N/A

There you have it, the ABC for a first generation college parent. This entry could be an entire book, and who knows that may be on deck for you. Overall this is about embracing progress. I firmly believe knowledge is the key to success in our society today. Not only book knowledge, but the knowledge of knowing what had to be sacrificed for many of us to even have the opportunity to enroll in college. Higher education was not always as accessible as it is today. So push your child ahead, encourage them to stand on your shoulders parents and see further down the road to a place of courage, wisdom, and understanding. For these are but a few of the priceless virtues gained from the experience of college life.

Thank you, and God bless.

Eight Elements of a Successful College Career

Eight elements of a successful college career

by: Ethan Brisby

The purpose of this article is to introduce some ideas about making college a productive experience.

My first go round at college was in 2001. I enrolled at the University of Houston right after high school and boy was I unprepared. I am the first born, and first in my immediate family to experience college. I had no focus and no formal guidance. It did not help that I lived a somewhat harbored life, and the new freedom was far too much for me to handle. Ultimately, everything went out the window for me during a freshman English class when I saw a girl leave before class was over! Let's just say I followed her example many times over. The U of H experiment lasted one semester. Thankfully God sustained my drive to gain knowledge, and I returned to college much more mature in 2007 and eventually completed a B.A. program in Urban Studies in 2010.

As I write this article I am thinking about those students that may think college is about fun and games just as I did. I write to help you alleviate the pain and loss that comes along with the failure that awaits you if you think you can just cadillac through college and still earn the prize. Below I have outlined eight elements of a successful college career. This is to get you thinking about what strategies you can adopt for yourself as you begin or continue your quest for knowledge at an institute of higher learning. You do not have to do like I did. You can get it right the first time. Use this list as a foundation to build upon and then go and accomplish what you may.

 1. Join student organizations

On the surface this is a good way to make friends with similar interest as well as pad your resume with leadership activities. When you take a closer look, joining an organization puts you in a position to create your legacy at your college. Each year an organization is only as productive as its leadership. Select your organization(s) based on your major, personal interest, and networking opportunities. Be careful about taking on too many organizational roles. The key here is to be well balanced in your approach to campus involvement.   

2. Get internships

Internships are priceless when it comes to adding practical skills to your classroom knowledge. Visit your school's career center, get to know your professors (9 times out of 10 they can point you in the direction of an internship), and ask to be put on list servs that post internship opportunities. These are ways to know what is available to you. But just like G.I. Joe says, "knowing is half the battle." You must act. Take time to apply to two to three internships per semester. With persistence and people willing to say positive things about you, you will land an internship no problem. Many are paid and this means money in your pocket. However, you may also consider non-paid internships to gain experience and leverage future opportunities with a company or professional organization. 

3. Meet as many decision makers as possible

By decision makers I mean people that are capable of making a phone call or sending an e-mail or writing a letter on your behalf that will place you where you want to be. This can be people with access to money, jobs, grades, etc. In the professional world, having these people in your corner is like gold. They allow you to by-pass unnecessary paper work, get scholarships, and can get you hired on a job in minutes. I will never forget sitting in a certain decision makers office needing money for my final semester of undergraduate studies hearing him utter the words, "it's done." The way you get to know these kinds of people is to go where they go, network, ask, be honest, show respect, and above all show an interest in them. 

4. Spend some time on the weekend letting your hair down

For my book worms, not everyday of your college career can be spent studying. Spend some time getting acquainted with your new city. Also, use your down time to truly get to know your new friends. It is a good idea to be in various settings with your friends that way you can see how they will react in certain situation. That way you can cut ties if needed. That's a worse case scenario, but truly explore during this time you will have in college. Once you make it to commencement, the only question that is going to matter is "what are you going to do now?" So while you can, enjoy the joys of college, freedom, and trial and error. To my party goers I have one word for you; moderation.

5. Be sure to go to church on the regular

Going to church is what kept me even keel. We are spiritual beings and there is a constant need to feed your spirit with fruits such as joy, peace, and happiness. You can find these at many local churches. More importantly, you need to hear the word of God to keep you balanced. College will introduce you to some down right evil things, so keep your heart set on things that are above. The last thing you want to do is go into the deal expecting scholarly knowledge only to become consumed by a sinful nature that keeps you in bondage against your will. Keep in mind the sign you see posted outside of so many churches, "Enter to worship and depart to serve."

6. A strong inner circle

No matter how many unique people you meet, chances are there will be but one or two that show themselves as true blue friends. I was once told that people we meet are like trees. Some come and go, changing with the seasons like leaves. Others stay around longer, but when things get really heavy they fall and wither away like branches. Then there are those few people that help to sustain you for a lifetime. These are your roots. If you find just two of these while in college count it a blessing. Your college inner circle may consist of someone with a car, someone with access to food, and someone that is abnormally smart. Obviously this is not what everyone's inner-circle will look like for reasons I described above, but it sure will be helpful to have people that bring something to the table. Life is of course about give and take. 

7. Respect the basics (Go to class, eat well, read, turn in your work)

My theory on education has always been that you can not fail a class if you turn in all your assignments. Its just not possible. What I am saying is remember why you are in college in the first place. You are there to gain knowledge, so attend class regularly. More than attending class feed your brain by being well read. There is a reason your professors will assign readings and it has everything to do with you learning the material. Like I said above, if you complete your assignments you simply can not fail. So then, challenge yourself to truly become a master of your class material rather than someone simply seeking to reach a performance letter grade. Lastly, you will want to make sure you are taking in enough of the right foods to maintain a high academic performance level. Do not fall into the cheap fast food trap just because you may be short on cash. Economics is about making the best use of the resources you have. Keep your health in mind as you distribute your resources.

8. Like where you live

Next to the classroom and the library you will spend most of your time wherever you live. Be sure you actually like where you are living; if at all possible. While I understand finances may require you to live a certain way while you push forward, but at least make your living quarters feel like home. There is nothing worse that hating your dorm life, roommates, or off campus neighborhood. Being able to have peace at your home is vital to your ability to keep your eyes on the prize. This impacts your ability to focus. 

There you have it, eight elements of a successful college career. Take time to speak with other people who have successfully navigated their way through college. Find more elements from them. Everyone will have a different experience, so you will want to take in a good deal of useful information and then use it to formalize your strategies for success. Above all, seek wise council and welcome constructive criticism, so you may gain an understanding as you embark on your quest for knowledge. 

Who can I trust? 

Helping young adults build mentor-based relationships

By: Ethan Brisby

"We all need someone to lean on." 

-Bill Whithers, Lean on Me

This artcle was written with you in mind. I began to reflect on the journey I have taken to get to where I am now and how many people I had to lean on for a helping hand. Some have freely given wise council for many chapters of my life; while some were around for only a season. Through it all I have had Jesus Christ by my side even when no one else was around. 


In this same breathe, God places people in your life to help you push forward towards your goals. In this article I have described these people as mentors. In my own words, a mentor is someone who has been to a place in life where you would like to go. That place may be a point of stable finances, higher education, marriage, or something else you value.


Why do you need a mentor?
To provide a model for you to follow. A mentor can be likened to a highway sign that gives directions or warns of dangers ahead. Therefore, when you select an appropriate mentor for your life he or she will provide level headed answers to your toughest questions, concerns, and obstacles.
  
My first mentors were my uncles. They taught me how to play baseball. I believed everything they said about the game, because in their homes was evidence that once upon a time they were relatively elite players. Moreover, as I got older our relationships have blossomed into talks more meaningful than hustling on and off a baseball field. The example and training they provided allowed me to go on and become a pretty good baseball player as well.  


As I have grown older and ventured into areas outside of my uncles' expertise, I have had to add more mentors to my team of advisers. I have mentors for my business goals, academic goals, and even for my walk with Christ. These people allow me to be very honest and up front with them about everything from my fears to my ambitions. They do not judge me, and because we do not spent too much time together, we are able to get full enjoyment out of the times we are able to make our schedules match for a lunch date or extended phone conversation. 


Mentors are the people you look for in the crowd when you recieve an award or when you are giving a short talk or when you earn a high score for something they have helped you to complete. They share special moments with you throughout your growth process. Mentors are especially important if you do not have examples to follow in your family. Maybe you are the first person in your family to attend college or maybe your family does understand why you want to start a business instead of getting a job. Chiefly, the Bible tells you in the book of Proverbs that you will need many advisers for victory to become a reality. 


How do I choose a mentor? 
There is no wrong way to acquiring a mentor. If you want someone famous or extremely important in society's eyes to mentor you, then you may have to put in more work than if you select a neighbor or church member. A strategy that has worked for me is to be direct about what I expect from a mentor. Most recently I asked the President of a school's foundation to be my mentor on a business venture. In doing this I sent him an e-mail asking him if I could call him on at a specific time on a specific date. I asked him if he would be willing to give me 10 minutes of his time once a week. I had no problem getting him to agree. And that 10 minutes usually turns into as much time as we need. 


It is a good idea for the person you want to mentor you to have prior knowledge of who you are. For example, maybe it is someone you met at a conference, a teacher who's class you have taken, or someone that admires you. While getting someone to agree to mentor you from a cold call is possible, you will want to have some sort of foundation in place to build upon. It is also helpful if you choose someone who has simlar interest as you. Know this too, having a mentor is not weak. It is actually operating from a point of strength. 


These people will more times than not be happy to pour their knowledge into you, and you can have more than one mentor. Chances are if your mentor has achieved any level of success in life someone had to help them get to where they are. This is part of the circle of life. Moreover, it is a natural law that you will reap what you sew, so anyone who understands this law of prosperity is willing to sew seeds into your future success. 


So be honest with yourself about who you would like to be your mentor. It does not even have to be that this person wear's the formal title of mentor. They may just be someone you know and trust or enjoy communicating with in deep thought or friendly banter. Many times I have picked up on positive habits and ideas just from being around my mentor(s). Even though you may view someone as a mentor and they not know it, you may find your results more favorable if there is some sort of agreed upon idea of how your relationship works. 


Its up to you if you take the more formal route or if you go informal selecting a mentor. In the next day or two identify at least one person you would like to get to know better and learn from or someone you believe can help you reach a specific goal. Then make an efforts to communicate with them. Be cautious about selecting people that you would not want to trade places with in life. While these people may have good advice, they may lack the substance to back what they are saying. In that same breathe, everyone has a story to tell, and you may be able to learn from that person's mistakes as well.  


How do I balance my relationship with a mentor? 
No matter where you are in life right now or where you want to be, there is someone you can mentor right now. This person will be called your mentee. Remember what I said about reaping and sewing. Well, even while you are reaping the benefits of having your mentor, you can stil be sewing seeds into someone younger, less fortunate, or in need of guidance. Use this relationship to balance your relationship with your mentor. 


Again, you do not have to enter into a formal relationship with someone giving them the official title of "mentee." However, begin now to identify who in your life you can help to reach their goals, and give of yourself more than ever before. You will notice a difference in your everyday approach to life if you take this new responsibility serious. Have you ever heard the saying, "You never know who is watching you?" Welll chances are even if you are yet a teenager there is a youngster looking up to you right now, so live a life worthy of your calling.   


Adding a strong peer relationship for the prefect trifecta


One of my favorite mentors is a man that used to be my pastor before he went on to pastor a new church. One lesson he taught me was to always have three people in your life: a mentor, a mentee, and a peer. The peer is the third of the three people I want to encourage you to identify and begin to build a stronger relationship. This is someone that is about at the same place you are in life. Maybe it is a classmate, a cousin, or someone you have grown up with. This will likely be your most loyal accountability partner as you will spend more time with them. 


Therefore, let this peson be someone that shares similar qualities as you. Someone that is as ambitious if not more ambitous than you, and someone with your same set of values. While you may already know this person, this is the one you want to make more official in terms of your new partnership. Be bold in stating you want this person to hold you accountable for your actions, and you do the same for him or her. This person has to be willing to respect your morals and values. If you have ever heard the term "be equally yoked" this person is someone you should be equally yoked with. If he or she smokes or drinks and you do not then he or she should not be your accountability partner. 


Yet and still, smoking and drinking are two things you will want to avoid, so if you are doing these things, consider taking on a someone that has a similar desire as your to leave these habits in the trash.  


Concluding thoughts
Well, there you have it. I hope these words have encouraged you and helped you to understand the vital role of mentorship in your life as you move into your new harvest season. Above all have faith in a higher power and be led  by the spirit. The spirit will show you who to enlist as your mentor, mentee, and peer partner. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God. 


Go then and accomplish what you will!!! 


This is the first of six articles in this Quest for Knowledge series, designed to inspire young adults age 16-30 to lead humble and prosperous lives. Next week: 8 Elements of a Successful College Career