Who can I trust? 

Helping young adults build mentor-based relationships

By: Ethan Brisby

"We all need someone to lean on." 

-Bill Whithers, Lean on Me

This artcle was written with you in mind. I began to reflect on the journey I have taken to get to where I am now and how many people I had to lean on for a helping hand. Some have freely given wise council for many chapters of my life; while some were around for only a season. Through it all I have had Jesus Christ by my side even when no one else was around. 


In this same breathe, God places people in your life to help you push forward towards your goals. In this article I have described these people as mentors. In my own words, a mentor is someone who has been to a place in life where you would like to go. That place may be a point of stable finances, higher education, marriage, or something else you value.


Why do you need a mentor?
To provide a model for you to follow. A mentor can be likened to a highway sign that gives directions or warns of dangers ahead. Therefore, when you select an appropriate mentor for your life he or she will provide level headed answers to your toughest questions, concerns, and obstacles.
  
My first mentors were my uncles. They taught me how to play baseball. I believed everything they said about the game, because in their homes was evidence that once upon a time they were relatively elite players. Moreover, as I got older our relationships have blossomed into talks more meaningful than hustling on and off a baseball field. The example and training they provided allowed me to go on and become a pretty good baseball player as well.  


As I have grown older and ventured into areas outside of my uncles' expertise, I have had to add more mentors to my team of advisers. I have mentors for my business goals, academic goals, and even for my walk with Christ. These people allow me to be very honest and up front with them about everything from my fears to my ambitions. They do not judge me, and because we do not spent too much time together, we are able to get full enjoyment out of the times we are able to make our schedules match for a lunch date or extended phone conversation. 


Mentors are the people you look for in the crowd when you recieve an award or when you are giving a short talk or when you earn a high score for something they have helped you to complete. They share special moments with you throughout your growth process. Mentors are especially important if you do not have examples to follow in your family. Maybe you are the first person in your family to attend college or maybe your family does understand why you want to start a business instead of getting a job. Chiefly, the Bible tells you in the book of Proverbs that you will need many advisers for victory to become a reality. 


How do I choose a mentor? 
There is no wrong way to acquiring a mentor. If you want someone famous or extremely important in society's eyes to mentor you, then you may have to put in more work than if you select a neighbor or church member. A strategy that has worked for me is to be direct about what I expect from a mentor. Most recently I asked the President of a school's foundation to be my mentor on a business venture. In doing this I sent him an e-mail asking him if I could call him on at a specific time on a specific date. I asked him if he would be willing to give me 10 minutes of his time once a week. I had no problem getting him to agree. And that 10 minutes usually turns into as much time as we need. 


It is a good idea for the person you want to mentor you to have prior knowledge of who you are. For example, maybe it is someone you met at a conference, a teacher who's class you have taken, or someone that admires you. While getting someone to agree to mentor you from a cold call is possible, you will want to have some sort of foundation in place to build upon. It is also helpful if you choose someone who has simlar interest as you. Know this too, having a mentor is not weak. It is actually operating from a point of strength. 


These people will more times than not be happy to pour their knowledge into you, and you can have more than one mentor. Chances are if your mentor has achieved any level of success in life someone had to help them get to where they are. This is part of the circle of life. Moreover, it is a natural law that you will reap what you sew, so anyone who understands this law of prosperity is willing to sew seeds into your future success. 


So be honest with yourself about who you would like to be your mentor. It does not even have to be that this person wear's the formal title of mentor. They may just be someone you know and trust or enjoy communicating with in deep thought or friendly banter. Many times I have picked up on positive habits and ideas just from being around my mentor(s). Even though you may view someone as a mentor and they not know it, you may find your results more favorable if there is some sort of agreed upon idea of how your relationship works. 


Its up to you if you take the more formal route or if you go informal selecting a mentor. In the next day or two identify at least one person you would like to get to know better and learn from or someone you believe can help you reach a specific goal. Then make an efforts to communicate with them. Be cautious about selecting people that you would not want to trade places with in life. While these people may have good advice, they may lack the substance to back what they are saying. In that same breathe, everyone has a story to tell, and you may be able to learn from that person's mistakes as well.  


How do I balance my relationship with a mentor? 
No matter where you are in life right now or where you want to be, there is someone you can mentor right now. This person will be called your mentee. Remember what I said about reaping and sewing. Well, even while you are reaping the benefits of having your mentor, you can stil be sewing seeds into someone younger, less fortunate, or in need of guidance. Use this relationship to balance your relationship with your mentor. 


Again, you do not have to enter into a formal relationship with someone giving them the official title of "mentee." However, begin now to identify who in your life you can help to reach their goals, and give of yourself more than ever before. You will notice a difference in your everyday approach to life if you take this new responsibility serious. Have you ever heard the saying, "You never know who is watching you?" Welll chances are even if you are yet a teenager there is a youngster looking up to you right now, so live a life worthy of your calling.   


Adding a strong peer relationship for the prefect trifecta


One of my favorite mentors is a man that used to be my pastor before he went on to pastor a new church. One lesson he taught me was to always have three people in your life: a mentor, a mentee, and a peer. The peer is the third of the three people I want to encourage you to identify and begin to build a stronger relationship. This is someone that is about at the same place you are in life. Maybe it is a classmate, a cousin, or someone you have grown up with. This will likely be your most loyal accountability partner as you will spend more time with them. 


Therefore, let this peson be someone that shares similar qualities as you. Someone that is as ambitious if not more ambitous than you, and someone with your same set of values. While you may already know this person, this is the one you want to make more official in terms of your new partnership. Be bold in stating you want this person to hold you accountable for your actions, and you do the same for him or her. This person has to be willing to respect your morals and values. If you have ever heard the term "be equally yoked" this person is someone you should be equally yoked with. If he or she smokes or drinks and you do not then he or she should not be your accountability partner. 


Yet and still, smoking and drinking are two things you will want to avoid, so if you are doing these things, consider taking on a someone that has a similar desire as your to leave these habits in the trash.  


Concluding thoughts
Well, there you have it. I hope these words have encouraged you and helped you to understand the vital role of mentorship in your life as you move into your new harvest season. Above all have faith in a higher power and be led  by the spirit. The spirit will show you who to enlist as your mentor, mentee, and peer partner. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God. 


Go then and accomplish what you will!!! 


This is the first of six articles in this Quest for Knowledge series, designed to inspire young adults age 16-30 to lead humble and prosperous lives. Next week: 8 Elements of a Successful College Career